Saturday, 20 September 2014

The First Few Weeks of Motherhood

In the first few weeks of new mummyhood I found myself wondering why labour puts women off having more babies. I know it's not a great experience for everyone; but for me it was nowhere near as bad as I expected. Labour has an end, a light at the end of the tunnel. That light being a beautiful baby that you have made. For me the first few weeks is what would put me off having more babies...

You're in a weird bubble and barely know what day it is. Harry slept in between nappy changes and feeding, but it was a constant cycle. Then the baby blues hit and I felt like I didn't know what I was doing. I felt like I should be getting dinners ready and keeping the house tidy as well as looking after Harry. Then feeling guilty because I wanted to tidy the house and not stare at Harry all day. But that was just pressure I put on myself. Paul just wanted me to concentrate on Harry. He was amazing, so supportive and understanding. I felt so connected to Paul after giving birth and still now. I think we are stronger; we now have this physical being that totally connects and bonds us. Having our families close really helped. My mum was great, coming over when Paul went back to work just so I didn't go stir crazy.

You're meant to sleep when your baby does; that just doesn't happen! I still wanted to maintain some level of personal hygiene; so you need time to shower! Then people want to visit you and your baby; normally when the baby is asleep so another missed opportunity. You also have to find time to eat. (My batch cooking definitely paid off.)

Then there's the sleepless nights. Trying to stay awake to feed is a skill! And then your baby decides it doesn't want to go back to sleep and cries for 2 hours! Not knowing what's wrong and the sound of your new born baby's cry that stabs you right in the heart. In the first few weeks it made me cry just to hear it. I wanted to make everything ok. During the day I wasn't too tired, it was the broken sleep that affected me the most.

A baby in the early days and weeks is like a vending machine. You constantly put the money in to get nothing out. It's a thankless task. But you do all your baby needs, no matter how tired, upset or frustrated you are because you already love this little being more than life itself. You wonder how you can feel so cross sometimes then hate yourself for feeling like it. But it's all normal.

Then, one day, a smile; and not a windy one! It just makes everything worth it!

Now 10 weeks later, I'm still tired, but can cope with it. The house ticks over but not as tidy as before Harry, but who cares? I now know Harry so much better and know what he wants and needs. No one said it would be easy, but it has got easier.  Harry is giving back to us. He is now changing and developing everyday and it's amazing to watch and know that's down to our nurturing of him. 

The next task will be to try and get Harry into a bit of a routine! But more importantly it's now time to just enjoy him. I can't believe how much he has grown and changed in just 10 weeks.

Wish us luck!

Harry's first smile
Harry at 8 weeks

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