Advice and the Mummy Competition

We all do it, even if it's subconscious. Comparing our babies and our experiences. It starts during pregnancy; 'I have the worst morning sickness.' 'Oh, I had none at all, didn't even feel sick!'

I'm not saying it's a bad thing, we are just proud mummies and want everyone to know it. But it can lead to feeling like you've failed. Especially if your baby is later at doing something that someone else's is. I have found this with sleeping; specifically sleeping through the night. Many mums are all too quick to shout from the rooftops about their 3 week old sleeping through the night. But we don't hear about the majority of us who are the 'norm' and have a baby that wakes, a lot, for feeds!

All babies are different, we shouldn't compare. But I think this is particularly hard for the first time mum. Especially today with the internet, facebook groups, forums etc. We have too much access to too much information, a lot of which is conflicting, then the mummy competition on top of that can leave you totally overwhelmed. You can feel out of your depth and start second guessing things you'd got the hang of! 

Advice can turn into competitive boasting and not be helpful at all. We end up asking mums how their baby is doing just to say how amazing our own is! When it comes to competitiveness masquerading as advice we should take it with a pinch of salt. 

Really we should be going with our instincts. We know our babies like no one else. Our own mums would have had just one book and their mums to guide them through and we all turned out ok. What works for one mum and baby won't work for another. I want to enjoy my baby and not stress if he hasn't had a nap in his cot for a week, I'm enjoying a cuddle and it isn't going to impact on his future... Look at the bigger picture. I'm trying to stick to that and go with the flow as much as possible. 

That being said I think competitive mum syndrome is natural. It has always and will always be there, but the key is too not let it get to you and try not to do it too much yourself! 

What are your experiences of advice and competition?

Tesco Baby Clothes Haul

Tesco aren't doing particularly well on the stock market at the moment; but one place I think they are doing really well is baby boy's clothing. I have bought the majority of Harry's 0-3 month clothes from Tesco and as he is about to go into the next size range (he is pretty much 14lb now!) I had to do some shopping! I have found Tesco to have a great range of clothes for Harry's age/size compared with other shops.

I think the clothes are cute, funky and super cool for the little man. They wash really well and are great quality, especially at such a reasonable price. None of the below items were more than £7, and that was for a 2 pack of joggers or a 3 pack of t-shirts!

What shops are you loving for baby clothes?

The First Few Weeks of Motherhood

In the first few weeks of new mummyhood I found myself wondering why labour puts women off having more babies. I know it's not a great experience for everyone; but for me it was nowhere near as bad as I expected. Labour has an end, a light at the end of the tunnel. That light being a beautiful baby that you have made. For me the first few weeks is what would put me off having more babies...

You're in a weird bubble and barely know what day it is. Harry slept in between nappy changes and feeding, but it was a constant cycle. Then the baby blues hit and I felt like I didn't know what I was doing. I felt like I should be getting dinners ready and keeping the house tidy as well as looking after Harry. Then feeling guilty because I wanted to tidy the house and not stare at Harry all day. But that was just pressure I put on myself. Paul just wanted me to concentrate on Harry. He was amazing, so supportive and understanding. I felt so connected to Paul after giving birth and still now. I think we are stronger; we now have this physical being that totally connects and bonds us. Having our families close really helped. My mum was great, coming over when Paul went back to work just so I didn't go stir crazy.

You're meant to sleep when your baby does; that just doesn't happen! I still wanted to maintain some level of personal hygiene; so you need time to shower! Then people want to visit you and your baby; normally when the baby is asleep so another missed opportunity. You also have to find time to eat. (My batch cooking definitely paid off.)

Then there's the sleepless nights. Trying to stay awake to feed is a skill! And then your baby decides it doesn't want to go back to sleep and cries for 2 hours! Not knowing what's wrong and the sound of your new born baby's cry that stabs you right in the heart. In the first few weeks it made me cry just to hear it. I wanted to make everything ok. During the day I wasn't too tired, it was the broken sleep that affected me the most.

A baby in the early days and weeks is like a vending machine. You constantly put the money in to get nothing out. It's a thankless task. But you do all your baby needs, no matter how tired, upset or frustrated you are because you already love this little being more than life itself. You wonder how you can feel so cross sometimes then hate yourself for feeling like it. But it's all normal.

Then, one day, a smile; and not a windy one! It just makes everything worth it!

Now 10 weeks later, I'm still tired, but can cope with it. The house ticks over but not as tidy as before Harry, but who cares? I now know Harry so much better and know what he wants and needs. No one said it would be easy, but it has got easier.  Harry is giving back to us. He is now changing and developing everyday and it's amazing to watch and know that's down to our nurturing of him. 

The next task will be to try and get Harry into a bit of a routine! But more importantly it's now time to just enjoy him. I can't believe how much he has grown and changed in just 10 weeks.

Wish us luck!

Harry's first smile

Harry at 8 weeks

My Birth Story: The Undiagnosed Breech

Today my beautiful baby boy is 5 weeks old! I can't believe it's going so quickly, he has grown so much already. Motherhood has so far been how I expected and totally not what I expected at the same time; but I'll save that for another blog! 

Today I am sharing my birth story with you, it's taken 5 weeks to find the time to do this but here it is.

I had a textbook pregnancy; didn't suffer with morning sickness, felt great most of the time and loved being pregnant. So I suppose I was due a not so textbook labour.

Thursday 10 July 2014.
11:45pm
I woke up with what I thought was really bad trapped wind! I thought it was one of the signs my body was getting ready for labour to start in a few day's time.

Friday 11 July 2014.
12:15am
Paul arrived home from work to find me in the bathroom, asking him to help me! I wasn't sure if it was wind or labour, either way it hurt and not much was happening!

12:15 - 2:25am
Paul went to bed, if it was labour we assumed it would be a while so he'd better get some sleep after an 8 hour shift. I kept going from sitting on the loo, to trying to go back to bed, to walking around the bedroom, to leaning over the bed or bathroom sink! I didn't know what to do with myself.
In a few of my visits to the loo I had a bowl movement, again I just assumed it was one of the signs my body was getting ready for labour and why I was in so much pain.

2:25am
Finally something happened, I felt/heard a pop then there was a big gush of water, like a water balloon popping (luckily I was on the loo, again!). My waters had broken. This WAS labour.

2:30am
I started timing, what I now knew, were contractions. Paul was telling me to call the birth centre and let them know my waters had broken. With my natal hypnotherapy I didn't want to go too early. But I was uncomfortable and in pain.

The contractions were about 1 and half minutes apart, lasting 20-30 seconds. After timing for about 5 mins I called the birth centre. The midwife guided me through, deep breathing. I needed to go in to be checked over as my waters had broken.

3:00am
We grabbed the bags, in which I'd put the last minute bits on Thursday. Maybe I knew something was happening earlier in the day. I got dressed and off we went.

3:30am
We arrived at the birth centre. The midwife met us and took us into a birth room to check me over. My blood pressure was good, then the examination. That was easier said than done. Between contractions I somehow managed to lay on the couch; but still not long enough for a proper examination. I moved to a position leaning over the birth pool where I felt I needed to be sick; so yet another trip to the bathroom!

4:00am
I started using the gas and air so the midwife can do a proper examination. The baby was breech. An ambulance was called to take me to hospital. At this point I was leaning over the emptying birth pool :( with Paul holding my hand and helping me through my contractions and giving me water. All I could think was I don't want to go to hospital, I want the baby here, I don't want to be in an ambulance, I don't want to lay on a bed and I knew the baby was coming.

The midwife had a visual check (using a torch!). The midwife made the decision, I wouldn't be going to hospital, I wouldn't make it, the baby wanted to come and it would be more dangerous to have the baby in the ambulance than the birth centre. The midwives started to get prepared.

4:16am
Soon after came an overwhelming urge to push, the baby was on its way. The urge took over the feeling of pain and was primal. More midwives came in to help. The baby's heartbeat needed to be checked…Nothing. A heart stopping moment for Paul and I. But then we heard it, baby was just in a position that made it hard to find, it was normal.

Time to start pushing. I did the initial pushing still in a standing position, not wanting to lay down, knowing it would make my pelvis smaller and pushing harder. Initially I was grunting through the contractions but was told by the midwife to use that energy for a bigger push. It was working, the baby was nearly here. For breech delivery laying down is the best position to be in. This was all explained to me; even though I didn't want to be laying down I knew it was best for me and the baby. So I moved to the couch with my bum on the edge ready for delivery.

A few pushes later and the bottom was out, a couple more then the legs and torso. I was nearly there, ready to meet our baby, I was still using the gas and air and had Paul holding my hand encouraging me the whole time. The contractions subsided a little with the head still not delivered so I had to have a small episiotomy. The baby was here. But no crying, Paul went to the midwives to check all was ok…Then there was the cry.

4:56am Harry was born weighing 7lb 2oz

It wasn't quite the labour and delivery I was expecting, no time to use natal hypnotherapy, but I have no doubt that helped me stay calm, focused and take the fact Harry was breech in my stride. I listened to my body. Undiagnosed breeches are rare, it's even rarer to have a midwife delivery, but as a team we did it and I wouldn't change it. The midwives were amazing; for most it was their first breech delivery! After 5 hours of labour our beautiful baby boy was here. Now to start the next chapter. 

REN Clarimatte Skincare Review

I have now been using the REN Calrimatte T-Zone Control Cleansing Gel and Clarifying Toner for about a month so thought I would do a review on how I think it's working for me. 

I have combination skin and suffer with the odd breakout. I have had quite a spotty chin throughout pregnancy. My previous skincare, Ganier Pure products, were working fine, but I felt like I needed a change. Reading up on what the REN Clarimatte product range could do for me I thought I'd give them a go (although more expensive than my usual products). REN use 100% plant and mineral ingredients, no synthetic skin un-friendly ones. This is another reason I wanted to try it.

T-Zone Control Cleansing Gel
This is the first cleanser/face wash I have used that you put onto a dry face. This was a bit alien at first, but it really feels like it's getting into your skin and cleaning it, before you rinse it off. The bottle has a pump to 'release' the gel onto your hands; this is great, one pump is enough for each wash and so far I have only used about 2cm of product. I think it will last a good 4-5 months. The product feels like a really light gel when it comes out, you then lather it a little in your hands before applying to your face. It is also really light and has a great lavender smell.

Clarifying Toner
As I am so used to using a toner I wanted to still use a range that had one, so the Clarimatte products were perfect. This toner gets rid of any left over dirt on the face/in the pores that the gel has not been able to remove. It is not oily, or greasy and just feels really refreshing when you put it on. As with the gel it has the lovely lavender smell. The toner is also meant to help with complextion. I think my complexion is a little brighter, but at this time of year I get quite a freckly face (which can make me look grubby!), this doesn't help with my complexion!

In conclusion I am not really sure if the products have done anything more for me than the Garnier products I was using before but my skin feels clean, fresh and seems to not get oily over the course of the day. My main problem when I started using this product (as you'll see from the photos), was that I already had quite a few breakouts on my chin. I have to make a confession and say that I am not the best at leaving spots alone and I therefore delay the healing of my skin. So possibly not the best time to start testing a new product! Once I finally left the spots alone they seemed to clear up quite quickly and I haven't had any new ones breakout since. However, my chin does still look a little pink, I guess very slight scarring. But, I must say, not until I compared the photos did I realise how much better my skin looks!

Below are some pictures of the before and after (WARNING -  I am totally bare-faced and hair tied back to give as best a view of how the product has worked and I have not done any touching up. Proceed with caution!!)

Before                                                                        4 Weeks Later

I have also now bought the Invisible Pores Detox Mask. I love a good face mask and my skin always seems better afterwards. I have only used this once so far but my skin did feel refreshed afterwards. I am to use this on a weekly/two weekly basis.

What skincare products do you use? Do they work?

37/38 Weeks - First Week of Maternity Leave

T-Shirt - H&M
Maternity Chinos - H&M

I am not  a 'sit down and take it easy' kind of person. If there is a job that needs doing I do the job first, then sit down and chill, otherwise I just can't relax! I have two and half weeks maternity leave until my due date, I planned for this first week to be a doing week; housework, last minute sorting and catching up with people. Then the second week will be more chilled. 

I have had a lovely week and the weather has been great too, although Thursday and Friday my hayfever didn't agree! I spent Monday doing a load of batch cooking for freezing, as recommended by apps, websites and other blogs. I did pretty well,will keep us going for a while; lasagne, chicken and green bean curry and fish pie. This was followed by a load of housework!

Tuesday I had my last osteopath appointment before the baby is due. I go every 6-8 weeks anyway (I have a femural nail and also get slight back pain) to keep me moving and ticking over. I really would recommend a visit if you suffer with back pain or aches and pains. I am also going to take the baby when it is a few weeks old for some cranial osteopathy. 

Wednesday I met up with my cousin who is 20 weeks pregnant for lunch. She lives near Bluewater so I popped there first, I needed just a couple more maternity bits of clothing. I know I don't have long to go, but my jeans are now just too tight! Luckily my fave shop, H&M, had a sale on and I got some maternity chinos for £10 (see above) and a maxi dress, not maternity, for £7. I will still be able to wear a few of the maternity bits once baby is here and other bits that are non maternity should fit too. In the evening I got my hair cut, just wanted a trim to make it a bit more manageable plus I don't like my hair once it's longer than shoulder length!

Thursday I met a work friend and her two boys. She goes back to work from maternity leave next week, so was great to have a catch up. We went to Leeds Castle and had a wander through the grounds and had a pic nic. Then took her lovely boys to the play area. It's been quite breezy here so out and about the heat wasn't too bad for me. My hayfever also stayed at bay until the evening, then made me feel crap. I literally have to sit with tissues up my nose to stop the constant blowing and wear sunglasses to stop my eyes watering. Very glamorous! 

Friday I spent the day at home, doing bits of housework and again with tissues up my nose! I've also now started listening to my natal hypnotherapy CDs daily. 

And after all of that, still no sign of baby! Here's to a more chilled week next week.

Have a good week, Amy xx

Week 36/37 - Last Week at Work

Cardigan - H&M
Top - H&M

Last week was my last at work. It was pretty busy! I think it was a combination of the time of year and the fact there were jobs that needed doing before I left. I nearly had a melt down on Thursday, didn't know whether to get mad or have a cry. So I took myself off to calm down and felt much better! I was hoping the stress wouldn't bring on an early labour, it didn't :)

Friday was my last day, a lovely sunny day. It felt like the last day of term before the Summer holidays. My friends treated me to a yummy pic-nic lunch and some lovely presents for Baby Bond; a door bouncer and cot mobile. Baby also got a little bear comforter and a sleep suit and I got a little box of chocolates from some students and a Sanctuary bath set.

I will miss everyone, but I know I will see them often. Any excuse for coffee and a catch up and I'm sure I'll be there!

Mine and Baby's lovely leaving gifts

On Tuesday I had a midwife appointment. All is still good; head down, but not yet engaged and heart beat strong. Although I think Thursday night baby may have shifted a bit and moved back up a little as felt a bit uncomfortable, but seems OK today! I am feeling generally a little more uncomfortable as the baby has less and less room to move. But I think I have 'got away' with things pretty easy (so far; famous last words...)

I now have 2 and half weeks until my due date - let the nesting begin!!

Have a lovely weekend.

Amy xx